These days leading up to reality…

These days leading up to reality have been full of emotions.

Feelings of hope, anxiety, uncertainty, humility, fear, peace….all of it.  Oftentimes, all in the same day.  Trying to prepare our family to be gone for 8 weeks or more has been overwhelming in itself.  Brad and I will both be out of work for the 8 or more weeks, which weighs heavy most days.  Every day we pray for God to provide us with what we need to get through this.  Each day we see such an outpouring of provision through so many different people and situations that have been placed in our lives-even through some people we don’t even know.  People want to help so much and the generosity shown to us is truly overwhelming.  Each day we are taken aback by someone else’s giving heart.  God is revealing Himself through so many, and in so many ways.  People who have nothing themselves are reaching out to us-it’s truly a lesson in the call to give, and living by faith.

Even in the midst of all prayer and support, I have struggled with the emotional challenge of preparing a nursery for Poppy once she is home.  As a mother to Crosby, I would say I have a pretty good understanding of what babies need when they come home from the hospital.  Preparing the nursery, having all the necessities in order, washing all the sweet little outfits, and envisioning what it will be like with our precious new addition in a place prepared especially for her.  Knowing of Poppy’s condition, while it’s a tremendous blessing to be able to know ahead of time, it has made what should be an exciting time of nesting and prepping the nursery, a very emotionally challenging time.

My mommy instinct is to prepare a special place for her the way I know how…just like for Crosby.  But Poppy is not Crosby.  In so many ways, this is the beauty of being a parent and having kids, the getting to experience the differences unique to each child. However in this case, it’s terrifying because as a mother, it’s unnerving to have no idea how to care for your sweet new baby.  I have been reassured that nurses will teach me how to do everything before we leave the hospital, which does provide a sense of comfort.  Just knowing that for at least the first 6-12 months of her life, Poppy will be fighting for her life every minute of the day, day by day-touch and go.  This to me, is the scariest.  Even though I know that God will guide us through it, just as He does, it’s still a helpless feeling.  I’m sure, just as other heart moms have shared with me, ‘you just do it.’  At the same time, I catch myself entertaining the possible reality of coming home without her.  It breaks my heart to even admit that this crosses my mind at times.  I know that God will heal her if it’s His will, and we pray every second of the day that that’s His will.

Please continue to pray for us as we prepare for the journey ahead.


6 thoughts on “These days leading up to reality…

  1. You are so amazing! Thank you so much for blessing me and reminding me what an honor it is to be a mother. You, Brad and Cros will be in my prayers. Please call on me if you need anything.

  2. We are praying and telling others to pray also. The wait is hard – please let us know when you will be out here. I think it’s in February, right? We are about 1 1/2 hours from where you’ll be I believe. You probably know that area better than us. We don’t do that big city hardly ever but to drive through. You are on our minds and will wait to hear from you. May God grant your family peace and strength during this time. He can still heal that little sweetie’s heart. Agree? Agree

    • Shirley, thank you so much for your prayers and hope for Poppy. It means so much to us. We know that all is in His hands, and find great comfort in that. We would love to touch base with you both when we are out that way. We’ll be in touch!

  3. I just had a moment to check out your blog and wanted to say that I fully understand your terror, but you are a mother and whatever the differences in parenting between Crosby and Poppy, you won’t just manage, you will excel. Your daughter will teach you what she needs and you already love her like crazy so the rest will fall into place, even if it is a bit more tedious than the first time around.

    • Thanks Robyn. I’m so glad I tracked you down thanks to “linked by heart.” What a comfort your blog is to me. I feel like I have a heart mom sister 😉 Your family is definitely in our prayers as you prepare for Wyatt’s arrival.

  4. Christi, I am only an 8 hour drive from Seattle and have family and friends that live in Seattle. If there is anything you need from me please don’t hesitate to ask.
    You and your Poppy are on my mind daily. xoxo

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